Need advice, please!

[mirnell]

I really need to stop doing my deep thinking during classes, even boring ones.

I need opinions, help, advice, something. Although I've talked about this with mashfanficchick, this is the first time I'll be putting some of my thoughts into words to anyone other than myself.


I'm about to start my second to last term of classes, and I've been done with my actual computer networking courses for almost three months. I've always known that I wasn't going to hang around Philadelphia forever, but it was always a question of where I was going to go. I've toyed with moving west, I've toyed with moving to the UK, I've even thought about moving to the middle of nowhere and ignoring the existence of all civilisation. I always imagined that I'd get a job where I could do most of my work from a remote computer and live somewhere where there's nature nearby.

Recently, though, I've had a new idea, one that seems, not only more doable, but more right. I'm seriously starting to consider moving to New York City. One, I actually have friends there. I've lived in or just outside of Philadelphia for the last almost thirty years, and I still don't have any close friends in the area. Yes, I've had some over the years, but no one anymore who I can just call up to go out for a cup of coffee or a drink. Two, there are always computer jobs out there, especially for a networker who's proficient in two operating systems. And just glancing at places like craigslist, there are just as many positions in New York as there are in Philadelphia. Three, I spend so much time in New York already that people are surprised when I tell them that I don't actuall live there. I don't think twice about jumping on a train to go up for the day, or, occassionally, even for just a few hours. Four, the more I think about it, the more I realise that I like New York. Me, the city-hating, nature-loving, almost-but-not-quite-a-techno-hippie, likes New York City. Yeah, it was a bit of a shock for me to realise too.

And the thing that really struck me, and made me start thinking about this as a realistic idea, was the sudden understanding that I have a life in New York. How the hell did I end up having a life in a city that I don't live in? But I do. Somehow.

So the opinions I need... does this sound like a potentially realistic plan? My mom, who doesn't want to even think about me ever leaving the area, said that I should get a job locally first, and then in a few years think about moving. The way I figure it, why should I try to start a new career twice? I'm about to have a degree in a brand new field for me. I should look at it as a chance to start over, right?

Also, from past experience, I have trouble living with people, particularly people I don't know. I can be a very private person, as anyone who knows me can attest. I've had a number of very bad experiences with roommates, and eventually decided that the best person for me to live with is me. I know that New York is expensive. Is living alone possible (no, I have no idea where yet), or should I resign myself to the idea of trying to live with someone again?

Any other advice or thoughts or questions I should ask myself? The thing that scares me the most right now is that the more I think about it, the more right it feels. Which I suppose is actually a good thing. It's just scary.

I am still two terms away, which means I likely won't even start sending out resumes until June-ish, as my last term is starting. If all goes well, I should be finished in August, and the idea of having a concrete plan is about all that's getting me through some of these classes.

Comments

[kimberlyfdr.livejournal.com]

The moving part is a no-brainer, in my opinion. New York and you seem to fit perfectly, so you need to be there (since you've already considered moving SOMEWHERE).

However, the planner in me says to secure the job first, then move. Since you're so close, it shouldn't be overly difficult for you to go up for interviews? That way, with the job in-hand, you know that NY is the place to be.

But I would think you might have to resign yourself to roommates if NY is the plan. It seems to be exceedingly expensive, but I don't have personal experience in that area.

[selkiechick]

I don't know about living alone- but I will note that if you don't mind spending time (and money) commuting on the train- the mass transit system extends quite a ways out of the city... you might be able to fine an affordable place that has a little nature nearby...

[emyrldlady.livejournal.com]

Well, you could always look to the burbs for a place to live. I'm 10 miles outside Manhattan and my rent is $950. There are cheaper places. I totally get the cant live with roomies. Been there done that.

Also, if you want to come and realisticly look at my area you're welcome to crash on the futon for a few days and check it all out.

I think I'm going to the meet on Saturday now that the car is better. What time is the meet up?

[holliemke.livejournal.com]

short answer: go with your heart but do it as smart as you can - ie, send out resumes and resumes and resumes. keep a serious eye on rents in various neighborhoods. Get an idea of how much it would cost to commute and see how that fits into your budget. spend time on salary.com and other websites so you have an idea of how much you'll make.

i have no doubt that you can come up with a compromise: long commute, with good rent so no roommates is probably the equation.


long answer: seriously, go with your heart. put all your effort into planning it, go on interviews, look at apartments so it all feels "real." you can always change your mind later but don't give up before you start. I've been told often how much people envy me for doing things like moving to seattle and dc and north carolina. I'm exceeding grateful for those experiences even if I did come home.

"they" have ideas for you and that's ok but "they" aren't you and don't have YOUR dreams.

alternatively, once you've exhausted all your planning, you may find out what it is that you like about New York and find a way to find a possibly cheaper alternative. But it is NYC - even if it doesn't end up being long term, it's worth a shot!!!

[sharpes-hussy.livejournal.com]

Your happiness depends on deep seated contentment for YOU not your mother. I fully understand leaving.
My sister thought I was nuts when I turned down a lucrative job to enter the military, but I had decided it would bring deep contentment for me.
That is the issue here. I am not being cold, I am being practical.
I feel from reading your post that your distraction in class may be the conflict in fulfilling YOUR need vs. your mother's need.
Just my opinion and I fully realize it means nothing for you. It is just how I settled my predicament.

[silver-chipmunk.livejournal.com]

Come to the dark side, we have bagels!

Seriously, just don't expect to find anything affordable in Manhattan, come out to the Outer Boros with me and mashfanficchick and it's quite do-able.

[cowgrrl.livejournal.com]

Oh yes, I can totally see you moving to New York! Don't worry about the nature thing--there are lots of parks in New York. (I grew up there, I know this is true!) If you need to find trees, you won't have to go far to find them. :-)

I agree that the thing to do is find the job first, then once you have that you'll know what you can afford, and the rest will follow. Yeah, you probably can't afford Manhattan, but I've heard good things about Brooklyn. Also: in the computer industry you should be able to earn decent money which will make it more feasible for you to live alone.

[sara-merry99.livejournal.com]

I can see you doing this and if it calls you, do it!! (Bear in mind that if you go and live there and give it an honest shot you can always move later.)

I kind of did the same thing--I thought I would love fringe-of-the-small-city, heading toward a *tiny* town, and while I like Missoula a lot, I'm looking forward to living in more of a *city*.

My brain is shot so I think I'm making no sense. Sorry!

Bloody LJ Ate My Comment!

[redknightalex.livejournal.com]

So, LJ ate my comment. Damn it!

Anyway, I understand the nee to be alone and have your own place. I'm in roughly the same situation as you: I've had rough times with roommates in the past (even when I'm living with my own mother, as the case may unfortunately be right now) and I'm not sure if it's because of my anxiety/OCD issues or just that I want some alone time. *shrug* But, yeah, it is damn expensive.

"The thing that scares me the most right now is that the more I think about it, the more right it feels."

This, right here, is why I believe you should move to New York. The scarier something is can sometimes be a sign that it's the right move to make. As the saying goes sometimes the hardest thing to do is the right one. I also worry that if you didn't move that you'd regret it and have missed your opportunity. NYC is teeming with options for you and, if all else fails, you can always start from scratch (which moving would do for you, in a way, something I've always wanted to do).

(BTW, you talk of being proficient in two OSes. Which ones are they? I'm assuming Windows and Linux as they are the two most used in servers and the IT field. Macs do have their strengths but any IT worth their salt must at least have a basic understanding of Windows and Linux. If you are a Linux junkie, which distro do you use the most? I've tried Slackware but only got so far. Ubuntu was too "simple" for me and Kubuntu just didn't work out. Just a geek being nosy. :D)

[kskryptonian.livejournal.com]

As I have that same problem in my own home town, if you have a place you "need to be" then go there.

[roboticduck.livejournal.com]

I am late to this post, but just echoing the above, you already know having a job lined up is the most important thing, followed by looking in the outer boroughs for cheaper rent, and though the commute will be longer (and you will get MTA rage) I bet you are used to long travels just getting here, so it will be fine. Good luck to you!!

[rose-cat.livejournal.com]

It looks like you've gotten plenty of good advice, but I thought I'd add my two cents' worth anyway.

I always imagined that I'd get a job where I could do most of my work from a remote computer and live somewhere where there's nature nearby.

That sounds pretty good to me, actually ;)

I have to admit that I don't know squat about New York City -- I've never been there -- but it sounds ideal for you. You seem to be mentally halfway there already :)

It is scary to make a big change like that. But I've often found that it's the hard and challenging decisions that turn out to be the most worth it.

I don't know how much experience you have with resumes, but if you don't have much, it's a good idea to do some research. (Interviews too. BLARGH.) It'll help you to get good options.

And it's awesome that you have good friends there -- people that you can trust and will know how to answer a lot of your questions. Best of luck!

[mashfanficchick.livejournal.com]

I meant to mention when we were talking about this, but of course I forgot: if you send me your resume, I can ask Josh what he thinks your chances would be of getting/keeping/excelling at a job with a livable wage in and around NYC. Granted, I don't trust him as far as I can throw him, but that's because he has an over-inflated ego about his own qualifications and an under-developed sense of what a "living wage" is, so it still might be a place to start in terms of having some "real life" idea of where you'd be.